Monday, April 6, 2009

I do not know what to think...

In the last week....I've had shots and boosts to my ill barely present ego.

So lets start off with the basic stuff...I had some crazy financial stuff happen this week. It was weird but its all fixed now. i closed accounts and paid off things that were supposedly paid. Wierd! I thought big brother was coming to get it. It unnerved me.

Anyway, that is taken care of but I feel as if my bills won't get paid again even though..I paid them. Its so odd!

I am on edge, as usual. I feel very meh. So let's get back to my ego stabs and boosts.

I will start with the boosts:

I was told twice this week I looked young. Both by cute portuguese ladies. I feel when I look in the miror, I see this old wannabe cute girl. I see a face that has seen better days. The scars, the divots, the redness, the growing number of blemishes, the sad eyes, the hair: the wirey strands that protrude all over the place. I don't feel good about myself. I haven't for a while. I old and ugly.

I was glad to be called young but one of the ladies said she thought I looked like a little girl. That bothered me. I guess I am stuck in that little girl/woman limbo. I am a lady even thought I do not always look like one. ho hum..

Now, we shall move on to the stabs:

Well, some jerk-off in my program... (I honestly do not care what I say at this point...) decided that it would behoove him to ask me if I'd be interested in his 38 year old recently divorced friend, who just wants to have "a good time." EXCUSE ME??? DO i APPEAR TO BE SOME SORT OF WHORE? Now, he may have read my blog regarding extracurriculars and reviews of said merchandise but..EXCUSE ME?? how dare?? just how dare!??!!!
So let me get this straight, You have a older friend who wants to have a good time and party and you think of ME??

Thanks dude but..go fuck yourself.

Needless to say, I felt itty bitty after he asked me that. i was stunned. I couldn't really speak. i am already feeling down about myself and now with that I feel like I'm a whore, which is the furthest from the truth. thanks..

Then Friday...which was the subject of the previous post. oh man.. ugh!

I hope this week brings better experiences.


Jenni B. said...

Not a girrrrrrrrrrl, not yet a wommmmmman. Sorry. I had to do it.

1) People have bad judgement sometimes.

2) I think you are your own worst critic. This is usually the case. Your skin is not nearly as bad as you're making it sound, but I know it's hard to see it like that when you've been battling with acne for most of your life. (Side note, after what we talked about today, this site has the comparative treatments, what they cost, and what kind of scarring they treat : )

I hope that you start feeling better.

katy said...