I wish....

I wish there was a button you could push that would make you fall out of love with someone. But, you could only push that button when the relationship was over and you hurt so bad you can barely breath. There isn't such button....but I want one with all my heart or what's left of my heart...anyway. 

I want this pain to vanish. I want to feel whole again. I want to feel like myself again. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning...in my own feelings. I know how to swim but I could sure use a life preserver.

Yes, I've been baking.

I need to get better at this whole blogging thing. Back when I first started blogging...like circa 2001, I wrote blogs religiously and then I'd take a hiatus and the write like crazy. Now, I just plain ole forget. The positive: I've been baking.. a lot!

I've made the following over the past month and a half:

• Chocolate frosted banana brownies
• Apple Sauce
• Harvest Apple Cupcakes with cinnamon cream cheese frosting
• Chocolate Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Frosting (with a Reese's peanut butter cup inside)
• Apple Turnovers

Yeah, that's a lot of baked goods. I've also made some actual food but that's not as fun to talk about. 

I'll post pictures soon along with some of the recipes. I have to say I think I really screwed up with the chocolate frosted banana brownies but they were delightful! I made the frosting on the fly with powdered sugar and baking chocolate, butter and some half and half. It was great.  I was very proud of myself.

Here is a taste of what's to come:

Upside-Down Cake and Square Cookies. The world has gone mad!

Betty Crocker, you are a crazy, crazy woman. I used one of your iconic recipe cards (seen here) to make Pineapple Upside-Down Cake and it was a trip. People loved it. I did not. It was easy to make but just too sweet. I made a pretty design with fruit and followed the very simple instructions. 

Here's the deal.

All you need is:

• A box of yellow cake mix (I used Duncan Hines)
• A stick of butter 
• A cup of brown sugar
• Sliced pineapples (I used Dole pineapples slices in juice.)
• Maraschino cherries

Melt the butter in the pan. Make a layer of sugar and create a fun design for the fruit. Pour in your cake batter and TADA!! 26-30 minutes later you have a cake. 

Don't forget! Flip over the cake at least 2 minutes after you take it out of the oven and leave the pan over it for a bit. Everything sets and you can serve it. 

Like I said, not my favorite thing I've baked...far from it. 

Here are a few of my new favorites:

About 2 weeks ago, I decided to go nuts and make chocolate muffins. I was given Sally's Baking Addiction book for my birthday. I love the book and all the recipes. I made Sally's chocolate muffins and holy beans, I never thought I'd like chocolate muffins and I love them! Search her site for the recipe or buy her great book. It's worth it for the pictures.

Now, I needed cookies...I didn't want to bust out my mixture and I wanted something different. I remembered reading about these strawberry cake mix chocolate chip cookies. I googled and found this very simple recipe. It needed more moisture so I added some milk..about say...1/4 of a cup.

I had semi-sweet chocolate chips and white chocolate chips and wanted to party so I added them both to the batter. I again was pulling the lazy card out of my nonexistent pocket. I decided to smear the batter on parchment paper and bake. My stroke of brilliance still brings a smile to my face. 

Be careful when baking. Since it's one sort of thin homogeneous blob, it cooks rather quickly. Check frequently!!

Slice it with a pizza cutter and viola! It's fake strawberry and chocolate delightfulness. 

Make them soon or now! 

Post...life

As many of you noticed from my last entry....I've been through a breakup. I am sad, some would say devastated. I wish it wasn't so but it is. I need to move on and put a positive spin on it. A relationship happened and I can smile about that. As A. A. Milne says: How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. That's how I feel about it. I wasn't all good but I am focusing on the good to get me through.

To help me get my mind and soul get into a better space, I am finally going to turn my blog into something!!!!!  Yes, friends...A Decadent Discourse will now be a food blog. I am going to bake stuff and critique it and maybe review restaurant dishes.

Hello..kids..A Decadent Discourse is going to now be an even better and clever(er) pun.

Yes. It's happening. I am excited.

I will finally write more and it will be fun. It may not be every week but it will happen.

What happens when you fall...

I loved/love him so much it hurts, but he doesn't love me. So now, I sit here and ponder all my missteps and mistakes and it hurts even more. Yes, I didn't trust him but I was trying. I was learning. I don't really trust anyone. I wanted to so much to trust him. I still do. My mistrust pushed him away. He fell out of love. I guess. Yet, I was the one to say...I'm done. I could see it. I could feel it. 

So, now I sit here and hope. I have no feelings left only the thoughts to know I love him. I hope my love can help and fix this. I can't think of all the what if's and could have's. I know my heart... I know I screwed up like I screw up everything. 

I'm scared for tomorrow and for all the days after that. 

The feelings flood in and I get lost. I am lost.

He made me so happy. I want to be happy again. 

I'm not done. 

I love him. 

OuliPost: Exit Interview

Oulipost Exit Interview: Oulipost Ends Where the Work Begins

Question 1:

What happened during Oulipost that you didn’t expect? What are the best (or worst) moments for you?

My addiction to it. I loved it which was surprising. I felt like a writer again. I was surprised as to how much I loved it and how some of the prompts came naturally to me.

My best moments were any Belle Absent poem we did or a poem that involved using all the letters of the alphabet. It was super fun. The poems involving math really confounded me at times. I found that later in the month I struggled more because it became more difficult to manage my time and...the prompts were harder.

Question 3:

What does your street look like?

Busy. Upscale. Pot-holey. Pretentious with a side of modesty.

Question 4:

Who is your spirit Oulipostian?

Valérie Beaudouin

We almost have the same and she's super cool and brilliant..hello..a whole book on meter and rhyme in verse. I wish was still in grad school...I would use her for my thesis!

Question 5:

What are the top three poems you wrote during this project?

Wow..

Okay..I chose 4. These were hard..but I am pretty proud of these.

1.Quote Cento
2. Headlines
3. Tautogram
4. EPITHALAMIUM

Question 2:

What questions do you have for your teaspoons? What questions do your teaspoons have for you?

Why do I always loose you? Why do you always end up in the garbage disposal? Do you like being plunged into the brown sugar so much? What's your favorite spice?


Why do you us so much? Can you please keep us together on our keyring? We are a teaspoon family.  Can you stop losing us? Do you not like us? We like you. Can you keep us in the brown sugar from now on?

Question 6:

What will you do next?

Well, I am dog sitting in a few weeks. Bask in my pride. In all honesty, I do not know what my next writing adventure will be but I do have a plan for a submission to the Found Poetry Review. And..I am seeing Bill Nye on Sunday.. what??

OuliPost...I am really happy we had a chance to meet.

OULIPOST #30: PATCHWORK QUILT--The Grand Finale

The prompt:
Conclude the project by writing a poem that incorporates words and lines from all of your past 29 poems.

The process: 
I pulled full lines, and then just some words from each poem and I worked backwards. The first word is from April 29th and last word is from April 1st. Sometimes, I pluralized a word..sometimes I didn't. 

So long Oulipost, it's been real...

The result:

Quilt

Chief clumsily lingers
Vaporized by 
Elements, 
read like a mystery novel
Revenge

Another postcard
For friends

Don’t be afraid
Blessing has the burden
Until it’s all a happy memory

Lived it.
Around-the-clock

Capsules appear
We run

Pain
A lack of heart
We must be strong
Half fatal

Critics swiftly confirm
Chief,
Earns their praise
While urban disunion rises
There was a problem

Radicals faced with a particular group
May day


People are still angry

OULIPOST #29: MILLER HIGH LIFE

The prompt:

The name of this procedure is taken from the soft drink marketed as “the champagne of ginger ales.”  (Or in my case...Miller High Life..the champagne of beers.) The drink may have bubbles, but it isn’t champagne. In the words of Paul Fournel, who coined the term, a Canada Dry text “has the taste and color of a restriction but does not follow a restriction.” (A musical example is Andrew Bird’s “Fake Palindromes.”)  Be creative, and write a poem sourced from your newspaper that sounds like it’s been Oulipo-ed, but hasn’t.

The process:

Well, since I didn't have any direction, I just took one. I wanted to use some rhetorical tropes. I was lame and just used alliteration but I may have spelled something with the title and the letters at the beginning of each line. Can you guess what it is?

The result:


Oh….

Child chief calls
Replace recently received 
An April agency allowed assaults
Potentially playing pledges

It’s impossibly improving
To the terms toll
Stepping state safety short

Other ones old or only open
Very vocal violations
Elections encourage everybody
Rising reporters record Republicans 

Source:

The A section of The Boston Globe. 29 April 2015. Print.

OULIPOST #28: MELTING SNOWBALL

The prompt:
A text in which each word has one letter less than the preceding one, and the last word only one letter. From your newspaper, select a starting word, and then continue adding words of decreasing length from the same source article or passage. Challenge yourself further by only using words in order as you encounter them in the text.

The process:
I wanted to get creative with this. I thought of real snowball and how it takes a bit for it to start to melt. So the title is 11 letters and then the next 2 lines are 10 and the next to are 9 and then it really starts to melt.  I also tried to abide by the rules and with using the word in the order that I found them. I think I did a pretty good with that part.

Also, it melts...

The result:

Resignation

Technology
Infections
Materials
Decisions
Clumsily
Suffered
Similar
Modern
Chief
Call
Who
To,
I
?


Source:
Borchers, Callum. Nanomedicine could improve surgical implants. The Boston Globe. 28 April 2014. Web.

Several other articles from the homepage of The Boston Globe. 28 April 2014. Web.

OULIPOST #27: IRRATIONAL SONNET

The prompt:
Create a 14-line sonnet sourced from lines from your newspaper that is divided according to the first five digits of the irrational number pi – that is, into stanzas of 3, 1, 4, 1 and 5 lines. As with the preceding sonnet assignment (see April 14) you may interpret “sonnet” as formally or as loosely as you wish.

The process:
I just started looking for iambic pentameter. I pulled pieces of lines and full lines themselves. It was quite difficult. The paper was full but since I've been baking all day...my mine is blank. I did change some tense and as with yesterdays poem, I wanted it to say something. Something that stands up. 

The result:


A theory that just might explain origin

Learning their lines by heart, they soar, they sear
They linger in the memory, he died
It’s a small group of sympathetic friends

The scene was telling, and fairly typical

It felt charged with impact, streaming with light
Stop, look closely and you will see beauty
The interplay of cultures is the theme
Tell the world what the government has done

But one rich sector might just prove elusive

It never stops, this sort of unceasing 
On the hunt for the next generation
Villains who are victims of circumstance
Bold, creative acts of innovation
Bigger, stronger people will come, after

Source:

Several articles from The Boston Globe & The Globe Magazine. 27 April 2014. Sections A-N. Print.

OULIPOST #26: BEAUTIFUL OUTLAW (BELLE ABSENTE)

The prompt:

The outlaw in question is the name of the person (or subject) to whom the poem is addressed. Each line of the poem includes all the letters of the alphabet except for the letter appearing in the dedicated name at the position corresponding to that of the line: when writing a poem to Eva, the first line will contain all letters except E, the second all letters except V, and the third all letters except A.

Choose someone mentioned in your newspaper to whom to address your poem. Compose a beautiful outlaw poem following the procedure outlined above and using words sourced from your newspaper text.

The process:

As usual, I picked a short name and a name of a man who was a champion of democracy in Myanmar. I found his name in the Obituaries. I wanted to make this a quality poem for obvious reasons. I enjoyed the process because searching and finding cool words was intellectually stimulating. Plus, I was in a Starbucks for part of the writing process and now I smell like coffee and cookies. It's sexy. 

This took me a long time. I found it difficult to focus on this rainy day. Plus, I was hungry. I changed tenses and played with words a bit but I swear I used just about every article in today's paper. 

The result:

Win Tin

Democracy champion saving subjects from stabilizing pay and questionably picky taxes

Handles sharks, runs a bar, catches grenades, puzzles even more by exes of newly jammed quotes

Quick-fixes vary with him, majority rules, but widely sized gaps appear

Diversify and back common people; a jab; a warning—faxed—quickly—vaporized, how?

Abuses cause vast, flash attacks when more neglected people unjustly freeze next quarter

Quite a bit of love goes through him, you see, with the evil & hazards here: 

Pride

War

Smallpox

Cockfights

But

Truth speaks justice...

Sources:

Several articles from The Boston Globe. 26 April 2014. Sections A-G.Print.

Oulipost #25: Larding

OuliPost #25

The prompt:Aka “line stretching.” From your newspaper text, pick two sentences. Add a new sentence between the first two; then two sentences in the new intervals that have become available; and continue to add sentences until the passage has attained the length desired. The supplementary sentences must either enrich the existing narrative or create a new narrative continuity.

The process:
I split sentences and tried to follow the rules. I almost mad-libbed it again but I start piecing things together.  An article about ducks cracked me up so I had to put in 5 ducks killed. 

I'll add more later....

Now, it's later. I just started finding sentences and half of sentences and putting them together. i think I used almost 10 articles. I think it came out..okay..

The result:

Duck Photography 

Photography, a technological marvel, was long considered an artistic stepchild.
Elements read like a mystery novel.
The federal government started a program in 1994, for scores of aspiring artists to debut their work.
What followed is a complicated saga that has produced more questions than answers.
 Illegal guns seized, opiate addicts and five ducks killed.
A less happy experience and the government has had second thoughts about the decision.
 “Arty” was not a term.

What often does not come up is the work.
Neighborhood groups encouraged to get involved. The way they join them is to copy them.
Like life, it’s all a big balancing act.
Today we think of the medium, as having been an art form from the beginning.

Source:
Several articles from The Boston Globe. 25 April 2014. Section A-G. Print. 

OULIPOST #24: HOMOSYNTAXISM

The prompt:

Homosyntaxism is a method of translation that preserves only the syntactic order of the original words. To give a rudimentary example, if N=noun, V=verb and A=adjective, the outline NVA could yield solutions such as “The day turned cold,” “Violets are blue,” “An Oulipian! Be wary!”)

Option 1: Choose a sentence from your newspaper source text and write as many homosyntaxisms as possible based on that same variation.

Option 2: Complete a homosyntaxism of an entire paragraph or article found in your text.

The process:

Guess which one I chose?? You got it, option 1. I didn't source the words from the text. I made them my own...I think that might be cheating. I would like to thank...Margo Roby for this Mad Lib idea. 

I was stumped on how to go about this so I had to take some inspiration. I am making this my own and keeping some adverbs. I may have cheated on some "adverbs" as well. 

The sentence really spoke to me so that's why I chose it.  Then as I started, I hated it. I then started to think...let's work off of this. Let's get 2 common words together and make some statements. It's not perfect and it's not poignant. I used some different pronouns and I let it fly. 

Here is the sentence/inspiration:

"Art and empathy can take us only so far."

The result:

Talks and walks can give us justly....

Sticks and stones can break me ever so slowly.

Words and music can feed me every so often.

Determination and strength can move him exactly here. 

Propaganda and extremists can fuel him crazily always.

Books and paper can destroy her never.

Self-doubt and anxiety can ruin her always.

Love and kindness can save us most of the time. 

Hate and revenge can kill us always. 

Source:

Smee, Sebastian. "In portrait of late artist Jon Imber, life and love endure." The Boston Globe. 24 April 2014. Arts Section. Web. 

OULIPOST #23: INVENTORY

The prompt:
Inventory is a method of analysis and classification that consists of isolating and listing the vocabulary of a pre-existing work according to parts of speech. Choose a newspaper article or passage from a newspaper article and “inventory” the nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, conjunctions, articles, etc. Bonus points for creative presentation of your final lists.

The process:

I made a chart. Well, first I chose the first article I saw and it didn't involve the Marathon. Woo!! Then I made the chart. I decided to leave the proper nouns alone. Blech! I don't like them. Only 1 adverb...YET.   Honestly, these prompts make me second guess myself on my language knowledge. 

I honestly don't want to do the html code for a table..I did that today at work several times so i am just going to use a screenshot. How lazy am I????
I only chose the 
So here we go:

As you can see, my image goes out of bounds slightly..ha! Secondly..I only have 3 verbs. 

So I think I am going to write some nonsense. I first thought of using the words going across and then I thought..nah...here's my chance to just mess this up. 

I tried and tried and tried some more. I finally came up with using articles and conjunctions and nouns and adjectives. It came to be a bit of a list. 

The result:

Mill Mansion

Sweeping and sailing and seaside 

The town
The inn
The park

A race
A morning
A rubber

On waterfront
On granite
On trend

Another tourist
Another postcard
Another weekday

Into basement
Into museum
Into people

Where is
Where found
Where stream

Source:

Woolhouse, Megan. "Yachts and a food pantry in uneasy juxtaposition." The Boston Globe. 23 Apr 2014. A1-A7. Print. 

OULIPOST #22: ANTONYMY

The prompt:

In Oulipian usage, antonymy means the replacement of a designated element by its opposite. Each word is replaced by its opposite, when one exists (black/white) or by an alternative suggesting antonymy (a/the, and/or, glass/wood).

Original: To be or not to be, that is the question.
Antonymy: To not be and to be: this was an answer.

Select a passage from your newspaper source text to complete this exercise.

The process:

I swear today will be the last day of Marathon inspired poems. Yesterday, I went to the Marathon. yay!!! I was at Mile #19. What a great day!

This was a bit tough. I chose a short passage and I kept thinking to myself..errr..what's the opposite of this. I took some creative license when it came to numbers and such. I hope I did the prompt justice. I even used part of the title of the article as my title.

The result:

The passage:

They clanged cowbells for hours, extended hands for high-fives, and waved posters for friends while hooting for strangers.  They packed 8 deep in Ashland, 12 deep Natick, and so tight in Back Bay it was impossible to count. 

Jeers emptied the water

I silenced ear rings
For seconds
Retracted feet for low-ones
Or flipped off newspapers
Nay, enemies 
While crying
For friends

I unpacked 16 shallow out of
Woodsea
24 shallow Southie
or so loose in Front Dessert
they were easy to abandon

Source:

Moskowitz, Eric. "For 26 miles, the cheers filled the air." The Boston Globe. 22 Apr 2014. A1-A12. Print.

OULIPOST #21: CONFABULATION

The prompt:
Craft a conversation poem using “he said/she said” quotes that you find in newspaper articles.

The process:
I am not entirely sure what a "he said, she said" poem is, so I took some creative license. I've clipped quotes to make the poem more of a narrative. I've even used some names and modifiers of he said and she said. I also repeated some quotes to round out the poem.

The result:

Intimate Whisper

“Jack,” Betty yelled.
“Don’t be afraid..…”
“I’m suggesting you need to start thinking about a plan B,” John said.
“I have a better idea,” he said.
“We’ve gone through a major transformation,” she said.
“I wish I could do that,” he said.
“The feeling is just pride,” Betty said with a snarl.
“I was hurt,” John said.
“There’s more people involved in this,” she said.
“That was really a surprise,” he said. 
“I kill a lot in Providence,” she said.
“It was good to get those first 2 early,” he said.
“I just think you’ve got to decided what you want to do,” she said.
“It was part of the job,” he said.
“This might not be a bad thing,” she said with hesitation.
“But everyone is different,” he said with a sigh.
 “I kill a lot in Providence,” he said.
“I kill a lot in Providence.”

“Don’t be afraid…”

Sources:
Over 10 articles from The Boston Globe, Print. 21 Apr 2014 Sections A-G.