Thursday, January 28, 2010

Coming into my own...

My spirits are lifted for now anyway. So far this week have been well., wonderful. I have a very positive attitude toward this crazy semester. It is my last one and I want to cherish it. I have to. I know the work load will be immense but, I can handle it. I need to focus. I know in about a month I need to look for jobs and really start preparing myself to leave school but for now. I am cherishing my work, the faculty, my students and my fellow students.

I feel prepared and ready. Hopefully, this continues through the Spring and graduation! ;)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I hear the ticking of the clock....

Have you ever had just one of those weeks where you feel isolated, alone and just flat out lonely? (cue infomercial music) No, well....I have...most of the time that is my life. This week has been pretty bad.

I like doing things alone but when people are around you in groups and are just so thrilled to be together, it often takes a toll. I visited 2 museums this week and that was the case. Needless to say, I was a bit annoyed and saddened. Yay for strong independent woman. Boo for lonely sad girl in the corner....

Yes, I have friends but my local friends, I seem to lack a connection with lately. I don't want to say this but they seem to not get grad school or the predicament I am in. I try to see the positive but really, currently, I have no idea where my life is going once school ends. It is a big question mark. I have nothing really keeping me here either but if I move I feel that I will experience more sitting at home alone every night of the week. times.

Something that triggered this feeling occurred yesterday and I felt like I was in high school again. I instantly became the smart girl in class that tucked her head down to become invisible. I have started to go out to do my work because I was sick of wearing pjs the whole day and looking like a crazy person. So, this place I got to, near said school I go to, is free yay and I've noticed a bunch of fools from my high school frequent the joint. Joyous..anyway..I spotted this busty ditz I used to loathe from high school..captivating the attention of a few dudes I had spoken to the week before and I instantly got that feeling of..the ugly duckling. I don't know just came back to me. Her annoying cackling laughter and her vapidness made me angry. The dudes were douches but it just made me feel weird. I did not like it. I relived a part of my life that I hated. It was almost out a movie for a minute or 2. I wanted to get away.

I just need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep on going. I don't feel sorry for myself but I just want to get my life going. The semester starts in a week and reality will kick in. I will finish and who knows what else.

Oh and in good nightmare of getting a C+ in thesis prep, did not come true. woo! I am going to go into this semester with that attitude that I will stomp out my classes while wearing my 4inch patent leather stilettos and a smile. I think it will help.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Thoughts on life...

So, I learned today that a faculty member passed away. He was only 38, although he did have a long illness, it just struck me as very, very tragic and sad. He had small children and a brilliant mind.

Time is so precious and sometimes I feel I am wasting time with my life or that I do not live it to the fullest. I have so many more have nots than I do haves. I strive to change that and at times I feel like I am not doing a good job of it. I want to do great things and I feel I have waited to look but as they say, there is not time like the present. Work, Work, Work....I must press on and try to accomplish what I set out to do but I also must remember to stop and smell the roses sometimes. It's not that important to have a well worded website....that isn't what life is about.

In other news, I am trying to write more poetry. The deadline for submissions is coming up and I am just going to send a shit ton of crappy poems to Temper. Just saying...

Oh man...1 more semester...Nicole will be in the working world..yet again... I hope it all works out for the best.