I like doing things alone but when people are around you in groups and are just so thrilled to be together, it often takes a toll. I visited 2 museums this week and that was the case. Needless to say, I was a bit annoyed and saddened. Yay for strong independent woman. Boo for lonely sad girl in the corner....
Yes, I have friends but my local friends, I seem to lack a connection with lately. I don't want to say this but they seem to not get grad school or the predicament I am in. I try to see the positive but really, currently, I have no idea where my life is going once school ends. It is a big question mark. I have nothing really keeping me here either but if I move I feel that I will experience more sitting at home alone every night of the week. Woo..fun times.
Something that triggered this feeling occurred yesterday and I felt like I was in high school again. I instantly became the smart girl in class that tucked her head down to become invisible. I have started to go out to do my work because I was sick of wearing pjs the whole day and looking like a crazy person. So, this place I got to, near said school I go to, is free wi-fi..so yay and I've noticed a bunch of fools from my high school frequent the joint. Joyous..anyway..I spotted this busty ditz I used to loathe from high school..captivating the attention of a few dudes I had spoken to the week before and I instantly got that feeling of..the ugly duckling. I don't know why...it just came back to me. Her annoying cackling laughter and her vapidness made me angry. The dudes were douches but it just made me feel weird. I did not like it. I relived a part of my life that I hated. It was almost out a movie for a minute or 2. I wanted to get away.
I just need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep on going. I don't feel sorry for myself but I just want to get my life going. The semester starts in a week and reality will kick in. I will finish and who knows what else.
Oh and in good news...my nightmare of getting a C+ in thesis prep, did not come true. woo! I am going to go into this semester with that attitude that I will stomp out my classes while wearing my 4inch patent leather stilettos and a smile. I think it will help.