Sunday, January 17, 2010

I hear the ticking of the clock....

Have you ever had just one of those weeks where you feel isolated, alone and just flat out lonely? (cue infomercial music) No, well....I have...most of the time that is my life. This week has been pretty bad.

I like doing things alone but when people are around you in groups and are just so thrilled to be together, it often takes a toll. I visited 2 museums this week and that was the case. Needless to say, I was a bit annoyed and saddened. Yay for strong independent woman. Boo for lonely sad girl in the corner....

Yes, I have friends but my local friends, I seem to lack a connection with lately. I don't want to say this but they seem to not get grad school or the predicament I am in. I try to see the positive but really, currently, I have no idea where my life is going once school ends. It is a big question mark. I have nothing really keeping me here either but if I move I feel that I will experience more sitting at home alone every night of the week. times.

Something that triggered this feeling occurred yesterday and I felt like I was in high school again. I instantly became the smart girl in class that tucked her head down to become invisible. I have started to go out to do my work because I was sick of wearing pjs the whole day and looking like a crazy person. So, this place I got to, near said school I go to, is free yay and I've noticed a bunch of fools from my high school frequent the joint. Joyous..anyway..I spotted this busty ditz I used to loathe from high school..captivating the attention of a few dudes I had spoken to the week before and I instantly got that feeling of..the ugly duckling. I don't know just came back to me. Her annoying cackling laughter and her vapidness made me angry. The dudes were douches but it just made me feel weird. I did not like it. I relived a part of my life that I hated. It was almost out a movie for a minute or 2. I wanted to get away.

I just need to pick myself up by the bootstraps and keep on going. I don't feel sorry for myself but I just want to get my life going. The semester starts in a week and reality will kick in. I will finish and who knows what else.

Oh and in good nightmare of getting a C+ in thesis prep, did not come true. woo! I am going to go into this semester with that attitude that I will stomp out my classes while wearing my 4inch patent leather stilettos and a smile. I think it will help.


Tyler said...

I think we're two peas in a pod, Miss B.

I'm sorry you feel so lonely. Believe me, I've been there. And I think it would be fun to do stuff together this semester. No more of this lonely girl in the corner stuff - we need to get out and...explore fun academic things and talk about life and stuff.

Think about it. I can be fun and smart when I want to be. :)

Nicole said...

"I can be fun and smart when I want to be."

what?? hahahaahaha uuhh duh!

when time permits..i will get out...but yes boston public library yo!!!!