Saturday, August 30, 2008

really? because I am over it.

I am over a lot.

I am over feeling guilty about being happy and doing well for myself.

I am over lazy people.

I am over insane logic..which I have.

I am over putting my faith in people.

I am over Flo Rida...

I am over vacuousness.

I am over people who try to hard.

I am over pretentiousness.

yes i over a lot but mostly..i am under things.


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

the diligent, dutiful daughter...

as the realization of my mother's stroke, hit me, it occurred to me, i will be left to take care of her if she ever has another or gets worse. Yes, I have a father and a brother brother sucks and my father is a busy man. He would quit the government for her but I do not think she would let him.

It is always left up to the daughter....

I finally am starting to have everything I want in life and will i have to leave it all? I am just hypothesizing here but I do not think its fair. I am expected to be the caretaker.

This makes me want to move far away and leave it all behind but I have guilt. I want to make my life and accomplish my goals.

I saw what my mother had to go through caring for my grandmother and my uncle sat idly by and helped occasionally. I do not want to do that. I shouldn't have to. I wouldn't have to abandon my dreams if people were normal; if my brother helped and was a normal human. sad....

Friday, August 15, 2008

dear abercrombie and victoria's secret,

i hate you. trick people into thinking you have well made products. This is far from the truth. Abercrombie, I will give it to you, your jeans are glorious but honestly...why are they $80. I mean, I hate to be narcissistic and all but my ass look amazing in them. Aside from that..your stuff is overpriced and pretty plain and ugly..victoria's..ugh.. just ugh.. I love how you fool many females into thinking that you will embody femininity if you where their garments. That could be the furthest from the truth. Your underwear is supposed to be uber sexy and what not but just doesn't fit right and really isn't that sexy...ass cheeks hanging out and constant wedgies...blechs.

I will now get off my store rant and move on to other things. I am very stressed. Today..I got shots for school and it turned into a catastrophe. It was awful. I almost passed out. I had a mini anxiety attack. yuck.

I am in this stressed out emotional mood and I want it to go away. Is there something such as wanting something too much?? I honestly think there is. This pickle is now just getting worse and worse.

What else do i have to say? Well, another friday home. oh the joys. I wish I had more gumption.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


i must confess that i love the new layout of my bloggy. hehehe

i may or may not have gotten myself into a pickle and one that i can easily get myself out of but i am not sure if i can. i am scared.

anyway, i am almost through with work but I am giving them 2 more days..the fuckers...but i did screw them over on the weekend. yay! hehehehehe

OOH I FOUND OUT SOME INSANE NEWS!!!!! my truck driver writes erotic novels...i was beyond pumped!!!! I want to see where he gets published and what not. i also would like to read some of them. Bring on the funnies!! heheheh

also..jenna jameson has a new movie coming i want to see it?? not really sure...i read her book. it was intriuging..i learned some shit. .

oye..really... i am so scared for school. :(

things that make me awesome blog.

In hopes of trying to flush out bad thoughts I have decided to make a list of things that freak me out or make me a little sad and some that are just hillarious.

1. the fact the usher's joint, love in dis club...didn't blow up!!!!
2. my momma being scares me. :( strokes even small ones..are scary.
3. legit terrified of failing.
4. the shots i have to get for school.
5. my impending invasive dr.'s appt in a few weeks. :(
6. this pickle that i may have gotten myself into.
7. grass on my feet
8. petchuli
9. weeds...well they make me ripshit..not weed..just weeds..the garden pest
10. women w/ dreadlocks and hair are a rastafarian? cool.
11. my own tootsties...i wear flats daily...nuff said.

there are more but i think i need to write another blog.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

this week...jeepers.

well..this week has had its ups and downs. I have to take in considerations its ups. I will be a full time graduate student and a TA. I will be teaching 2 sections of Business Communications on my own. I am terrified but the thing is...this is what i want to be doing with my life. It is hard for me to realize that dreams do come true. This is my reality. Things never work out for me but...maybe this time they will...maybe..just life will fall into place.

that is all i can hope for.

i will not go into the downs of this week..tears will fill my eyes like last time. I just have to continue to move forward. It could fall into place.