Sunday, February 28, 2010

I saw you...

Yes, I did.

I saw you walking down the street as I sat correcting papers in the window of my favorite teashop. You were with a gaggle of your ivy friends. Yes, I saw you, in your terribly disgusting, way too hipster, purple puffy coat and Conan-like hair. My stomach fluttered but all I could do was laugh because you are most definitely a big bag of douche. I really hope you saw me sitting there not noticing you until you already walked by. Yes, I laughed at you. I shook my head. Your loss buddy. Thanks for returning those emails.

Addendum: If you are reading this, I've tried for a long time to not think you are a douche bag but I finally saw the hand that was dealt to me.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

One is such a lonely number...

Well, I've done it again as usual. I've put myself out there and well....the end result was what I was expected, I was let down. I guess I should have known. This continues to happens to me and I really don't know why. It just makes me sad.

As I sit here and try not to cry, I think this going to go on like this forever. I hate being alone...28 years has been a long time to be alone. It sucks.

I used to feel okay about being alone. I had friends. I went out and did things but now, I do not. I've sacrificed everything for grad school. EVERYTHING. I quit my job. Most of my friends that I used to hold dear, I no longer speak to. I don't go out. I spend almost all of my time doing school work. So, essentially, I have no one and do nothing. Has it been worth it? I am not sure yet. I have no end result. I get hounded by people to look for jobs but, yeah, cannot apply for jobs if I have nothing to show them. Anyway.....yes, so I am waiting and anticipating the next chapter in my life.

Currently, I am not enjoying what is going on around me. I need a change. I cannot wait for it to come. Maybe when that happens, I will feel better. I can only hope. Maybe I won't be alone so much anymore.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Purity Myth

So, I stumbled upon VH1's The New Virginity documentary. Wow, creepy. With all the talk of saving yourself, pledging yourself to your father, I got an idea. It gave me some fuel to finally finish my book. You may think, how does a book reality to Vh1? Well, my book has sort a sexual or nonsexual theme. In your hyper-sexualized society, there is a pressure to be a number of things for women: pure, sexual, etc. But why? Why do we feel this way? Is it societal pressures? Is it our religion? Is it just our crazy selves? I want to find out. Well, I have been trying to figure this out years. I really am going to put some effort into it now. I hope my results are fruitful.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Dear Justin Timberlake,

I am sorry I have been so mean to you. I have been making fun of your glasses and lack of aging gracefully as of late. I mean you've looked a bit tore up in the last few photos I've seen of you. Also, you really do not deserve the Hasty Pudding award but bygones and moving on.

I retract previously said statements because well, I recently discovered, I am not aging well.

I loved you 10 years ago, maybe even 11 and I should still give you've done some bad tours and movies so you deserve a little less props. Anyway, props to you.

So, JT, as we both are born in the same year, I think I will let your aging and bad looks slide.

Loved you lots in '99,

The girl who is going to buy her first bottle of anti-aging eye cream after she leaves work today....