Saturday, March 14, 2009

posting whilst sleepy

welcome spring break...

i sound like a schizo!

I have emotastic ramblings and then I have happy cheery ones or a mix of the two.

oh dear.
Moving on....

i captured a bit of my old self the other day. Its still here. I need to grab more of it. I need not to feel helpless. I need to feel happy and strong and independent. I do not want to miss being happy...i want to feel something more than longing and wanting. I want to share. I am sick of this overarching theme. This chapter needs to end. I want to make is passive. I want to say it has been done.

I want active. I want a voice. Dammit..i want to be.

5 comments:

katy said...

i want to know.

i feel as though, based on what i know about myself and jenni and you, is that having self doubt (manifest in the form of panic attacks) is perfectly healthy and normal. we're professionals who fear the real world. we're beautiful and we kind of know it. but because we know it we doubt it and we take pills some times.

i think nicole and jenni and katy are all beautiful and smart and, therefore, beautiful and smart people have the kinds of problems you allude to here... we worry, we question, we doubt, we hurt, we want.

but what i want to know is what nicole wants. you don't say really... you just say you want something... active... yeast in yogurt? active... man in bed?

you cannot want to be more normal for your breed than you already are. so... what do you want?

katy said...

p.s. i want the book about your life... or a detailed time line.

p.p.s. your blog makes me need to make us all feel better. emo, very.

Nicole said...

I don't even know what I want...sadly...

I want to be happy..and I think that's my issue.

I want an active life that I don't have to eat prunes for. (i loved those commercials)

the story of my life is boring..nothing happens.

born..school..work..school again...seriously...

add a few deaths of loved ones...mean kids in school, acne plagued youth, and a coddling mother. thats me.

katy said...

except you're actually a princess with pink hot pants.

N.I.C.O.L.E. said...

they are polka dot hot pants.... i love them so