Sunday, June 10, 2012

If only I could write a dress code...

I often think about what it would be like if I ran my own company or even assisted in running a company. I could make rules and regulations, high powered decisions, etc. Fun, right??

But, I mostly think about how great it would be to create a dress code. Every fashion love, hatred, and whim could be set in stone and people would have to obey them because's the dress code!

So here it is, my dress code wish list:
  1. Open-toed shoes permitted unless you wear a toe ring. But let's be honest, if you are the type of person who wears a toe ring you wouldn't have been hired here.
  2. If wearing open-toed shoes, toes must not be gnarly. 
  3. Males: No open-toed shoes... just no.
  4. If you step on the premises wearing sweatpants, you're fired.
  5. If you wear ill-fitting pants: Go home and change and on the way there stop at a tailor. (ill-fitting= too long, too short (no man-capri's) too baggy, too tight, etc)
  6. Skirts must not come higher than ones fingertips when standing tall like a soldier, not saluting. 
  7. On casual Friday's, if you wear sports paraphernalia,  you're fired. Unless it's a hat, then that is somewhat acceptable. 
  8. Wrinkled clothes are not permitted. Employees must look professional at all times. Wrinkles=unprofessional. (Wrinkled=looks like you just took it out of the dryer or off the floor and it got into some sort of fabric fight.)
  9. If you have some sort of horrible tattoo, cover it up. For example, if in 1997 you thought getting a tribal tattoo that goes the length of your arm was a good idea, then you will wear long sleeves for your tenure at this company.
  10. Finally, wear a smile at least thrice throughout the day. Frowns are unsightly. 
If only it was legal to make this a legitimate dress code. Don't even get me started on the addendum for Casual Friday.  

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