Thursday, June 14, 2012

Dear Everyone,

Dear Everyone,

Anyone who is close to me knows that I haven't written in a long time. I'd all but "given" up on it.  Over the last year or so, things have to put it bluntly..gone down hill. I've survived emotionally but just barely.

I am trying to write to feel better and I can only hope it works. 

My mother is well again but now my uncle and godfather are now ill.

My heart's been toyed with for almost 2 years and I am somewhat to blame for the situation and now it seems it's coming to a big culmination. I know I am not emotionally prepared for what is going to happen. I know I will be very sad for a long time. I need to move on and it will be hard. Since well, I do not have very many people to lean on.

I keep telling myself, I don't know how I am going to do this. And, I really don't. I know, well at least, I can hope that in a few months I will feel better. I will have moved on and not wallowed in this pit of despair of self doubt and hatred. I've never had to do this before. This is real and I don't like it. I need to remember that I deserve better and that something better will come.

I can say that I am not sorry it happened. I did learn somethings and I will "miss" this person. I know what I want and need and yeah...we shall see.

I do know that I do not want to feel like this anymore.

I will get through this but damn, it's going to suck.


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