Dear Everyone,
Anyone who is close to me knows that I
haven't written in a long time. I'd all but "given" up on it. Over the
last year or so, things have to put it bluntly..gone down hill. I've
survived emotionally but just barely.
I am trying to write to feel better and I can only hope it works.
My mother is well again but now my uncle and godfather are now ill.
My
heart's been toyed with for almost 2 years and I am somewhat to blame
for the situation and now it seems it's coming to a big culmination. I
know I am not emotionally prepared for what is going to happen. I know I
will be very sad for a long time. I need to move on and it will be
hard. Since well, I do not have very many people to lean on.
I
keep telling myself, I don't know how I am going to do this. And, I
really don't. I know, well at least, I can hope that in a few months I
will feel better. I will have moved on and not wallowed in this pit of
despair of self doubt and hatred. I've never had to do this before. This is real and I don't like it. I need to remember that I deserve better and that something better will come.
I
can say that I am not sorry it happened. I did learn somethings and I
will "miss" this person. I know what I want and need and yeah...we shall
see.
I do know that I do not want to feel like this anymore.
I will get through this but damn, it's going to suck.
XXXO
nicole
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