I never took my intelligence for granted. Nothing in school ever really came easy to me. I just worked hard at everything and this is no different. I am working my pa-toot off. I wish academia worked like that, I'd be soo fit and trim.
But, this paper has made me feel a bit smarter. It became easier to me as I plowed through the research and light bulbs went off. It made me think, "hmmm..phd please?" haha I know, I know. Crazy! But, I know I will miss the hours of studying and writing and tears when I think I am dumb.
I know the work I put into this and it is surely a lot. I don't spend my weekends tripping the light fantastic. I spend them Google Scholaring and writing. It the end it doesn't matter but it surely matters to me. I know I will deserve my degree even if I don't get an A on this paper or in the class. We aren't supposed to care about grades as teachers but I would lie and say I didn't. I do dammit! I want an A. If I don't get one, well, whatever. I know I deserve it. hehe
I know I need to find a balance between school and life but for now I will work. Wednesday I will figure out a balance and try to collect the things I've been ignoring in my life and see how they still fit into it. If they don't, they don't. Maybe it's my fault, my it's not.
We all change and grow and sometimes we don't do it together. That's life I guess. For now, my paper is in bed. I will be soon and I feel smart. That makes me smile.