what do i want?

I question myself far to much lately. I know I do like what I am doing and I stress far to much about it. i feel all this pressure, generated by me. Who am I trying to impress? Me.

I want to be happy/content. I want big things. i want to achieve things. I doubt myself but what if i do all these things and I am not happy? I think that is what scares me the most.

I want experience things I have never experienced before. i want to feel love. i want to be in love. I want to be satisfied with my scholastic achievements and professional ones. I want to do things. I am doing things but I cannot help but want to do more. i see others with complete lives or so I think and they seem happy. I want to know I am seem happy to people.

I thought of not smiling for a day but I know I could not do that. So, I think I am a lot happier than I think I am. I think I just need to realize it.

If I took a life inventory I think it would say I should be a housewife..seriously..i love baking, puppies, making people happy, cleaning, writing, creating things, fashion, color, art. Okay...maybe I was wrong...I do have other loves.

Dammit..I am blaming people who tell me stories of puppies..for this blog. It started this week and it has been on my mind ever since.