mincemeat.

that is what I feel like. No one likes it and it tries to be alluring.

Yes, that may sound a little harsh but I feel that way academically. I am rundown and I just need some rest and relaxation. i am antsy and want to cry. good times.


will i ever fulfill the dream of academic greatness? i sure hope so.

Elitism, Academia, and Me

ts 2 days until thanksgiving.

it feels like the semester just started.

my life is flying by.

i miss my friends. i miss my old life.

i miss having the luxury of going out and not feeling guilty. Now I go out and guilt overwhelms me because I have 50 papers to correct and 100 pages to read and a paper due in 2 days.

i cannot stress enough that graduate school is not a joke. My life is completely different, yet I am happy about it.

I long for days of random excursions and pointless nights of dancing.
Soon they will come.

I think this lonely feeling will subside once I can freely go out and buy groceries or go have tea by myself or with a friend. See human life once again.

Sometimes, I wonder, can i do this 3 more semesters? Do i have it in me? I can and I must. Will I accomplish my goals..i am not sure. I am also not sure if I changed them.

Can i swim in the pool of academia and elitism? I splash and i make waves. Will "they" accept that? I am different. I smile and giggle at puppies and get caught watching britney spears video's and carry around princess folders. I see the the strange looks. It makes me want to prove...there is room for me.

hey..i am tiny.

i will bold you over with my fanciful rhetoric and gained agency. i found my exigence.. (yeah..i made that a noun..deal..)

when you see your life..

lived by someone else.

I know this is stupid but while cruising the internet, I saw some woman, my age..living my desired life. And, it hurt. I don't know why. Well I do know why. It smacked my shortcomings in my face.

I do not desire to be her. No, not that at all. i want to be me, doing what she is doing and living the type of life she is.

oye.

in good news...this is going to sound creepy but.. one of my gray hairs feel out. I shed a lot and I found a long white hair and I know its mine. So, YIPPEE! one less white hair on my head!! I feel younger already. I felt like Dumbledore..no idea why.


I wish I constructed a more intellectual and brilliant blog but, this is all i got.

accepting your shortcomings....is moving on.

pride

Today I am proud. My heart smiles today. The Constitution's quest has almost been fulfilled. Thank you.

We voted for a man who will not take a woman's rights away....

We do live in the best country in the world.

The election was never about race for me. To me our new president is an honorable man. Just a man who wants to lead us. That is all.

i need....

a nap.
I am exhausted. Consistently doing school work makes a girl very, very, very tired and often times, unhappy, I just want to have a day to myself or not to myself...share it will another human and just chill out. A WHOLE DAY!!! 24 HOURS OF NON SCHOOL ACTIVITIES!!!

I must say that I do enjoy what I am doing but dang it, I am stressed. I feel like I am carrying a lot of weight on my tiny shoulders Well, since I carry a ton of books and my laptop to and fro..I guess I am carrying a lot of weight.

Not much else is new. How can something be new if I do not do anything?????? hehehehe....

calgon take me away....

I cannot wait until intersession...i will not know what to do with myself

Inspiration...

Queen Elizabeth I you inspire me everyday. A bastard child then the queen of england and a woman in the 16th (?) century your agency...strength..valor, loyalty...honor, love....chaste

queen elizabeth if i do 1/100 of what you did..i will have done something with my life.

I am such a pushover...

I suddenly realized this today. I will go back to people who have done me wrong or hurt me. wow... I believe in second chances, even if it hurts me. I want to believe in the good in people. I know its there.

Is this a flaw of mine or good trait?

I also take things too personally which then is a detriment to me because I internalize things. i care too much. oh well...i am who i am.


I am too afraid to do a lot of things. I fear judgement and rejection. I think it is because I have been rejected so many times before. that is another oh well moment.

i am also in a stressed out moment. haha i need to calm down. take a breather and step back. perfection is not the norm nor is it attainable.