things that make me sad..an awesome blog.

In hopes of trying to flush out bad thoughts I have decided to make a list of things that freak me out or make me a little sad and some that are just hillarious.


1. the fact the usher's joint, love in dis club...didn't blow up!!!!
2. my momma being sick...it scares me. :( strokes even small ones..are scary.
3. school...im legit terrified of failing.
4. the shots i have to get for school.
5. my impending invasive dr.'s appt in a few weeks. :(
6. this pickle that i may have gotten myself into.
7. grass on my feet
8. petchuli
9. weeds...well they make me ripshit..not weed..just weeds..the garden pest
10. women w/ dreadlocks and hair armpits..really...really...you are a rastafarian? cool.
11. my feet....yes....my own tootsties...i wear flats daily...nuff said.


there are more but i think i need to write another blog.

this week...jeepers.

well..this week has had its ups and downs. I have to take in considerations its ups. I will be a full time graduate student and a TA. I will be teaching 2 sections of Business Communications on my own. I am terrified but the thing is...this is what i want to be doing with my life. It is hard for me to realize that dreams do come true. This is my reality. Things never work out for me but...maybe this time they will...maybe..just maybe...my life will fall into place.

that is all i can hope for.

i will not go into the downs of this week..tears will fill my eyes like last time. I just have to continue to move forward. It could fall into place.

i feel like i am fucking up left and right...

coarse language here I come. I honestly do not know what I am doing and I feel as if I am screwing it all up. It makes me sad. I just do not know what to do. I should just let all the cards fall. I should just stop thinking about things I cannot control. I just wish i had a guidebook. ugh!

moving through life...

I continue to question....when will i be happy? I see people who are crappy people...and I am throwing out harsh language here but...to me they are crappy...and they are seemingly happy. I want to believe that it will happen for me one day and i felt a glimpse of that happiness recently. It was very brief and I know i made more out of than I should have but...it meant something to me and it still does. I have some faith..but who knows.


anyway..on to more important things...school. I think and hope that I will be doing full time grad school in the fall. BRING IT ON!!! I am beyond excited!!!! This is really what I want in my life. I want to complete my masters and move on in education. I want to teach and I want to pursue a doctoral degree. I think I have what it takes. I am starting to research topics for my thesis and I will not be cloistered into doing something I do not like. I want to be told what I have do my final thesis/portfolio on. Ugh! NO way!

I am also concluded that for a side project I want to write slogans for porn movies. I have recently been reading tag lines on magazines for them and they are horrible! I know I could do it better. I am not this porn fanatic but the names kill me. They are so funny. You just need to jazz up there descriptions and I think people may be more inclined to buy more porn. For example...in the movie.. I make it rain...its description could say, "in this liquidy flick, bambi gushes w/ excitement" or something ridiculous. What i am getting at is...they aren't so creative and I know i could be! it'd be so funny. I wouldn't have to watch the movies..just make up funny sayings.

anyway...i am moving...through life...i hope things happen and the thing is.i can only hope....just hope.

pompous, pretentious, pontificators....

that categorizes them.....to the T!

oh.... you writers....just because you yield a pen and a pad...and are not afraid to use it...you feel you are above us all..

use your pen...but use it wisely....

you have sufficiently stereotyped yourself by trying not to fit into a box....

well, my friends you are into this box that you are eloquently depicted in your leafy,loosey goosey prose....talking about how..ooh my gosh and golly....everyone else is so typical, so cardboard cutout---

i spot you a mile away...... YOU WILL NOT HESITATE TO SAY YOU ARE WRITER...yet i do....but the next question is...DO YOU HAVE MUCH PUBLISHED? umm...that doesn't measure the greatness of a writer...hello nora roberts or joan collins...

do me a favor.....while i perfect my craft and keep my stuff to myself and hold it dear...continue to keep that pen and pad with you at all times..BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE MOOD WILL STRIKE!! ill be in my corner...looking, waiting..and wondering.....

i will never be like you....i will never boast about my love....i will never be a pompous ass.......

thats the difference between you and me.......i don't care if i fit that mold...but you do... you fit it perfectly......my fit is too tight and can't hold me...your's will always fit snug and just right because you will never change but...I....I WILL! and it will be great and you...will stay the same....

so fellow writers...i should not say fellow...i should say...other writers..keep on writing in the coffeeshops, writing down every little thing...do what you do...i do what i do...see who feels more...vindicated and real at the end of the day.....i know i won't have to wash that nasty mold film...off my body like you all do.....

cheers.....fuckers...

new beginnings...

i need a new beginning.....

what i really want to do is live life...and get paid for it.....i want to write about it...blog...that is lame but...that is what i want to do.

dream jobs...i wish we all had them...i know i don't.

blog...blogs..log..logs..

writing seems to be my only refuge lately...

trauma..is the name of the game....

there are many things that i detest and the number one thing lately is being talked down to by men...

that annoys me...give me a break...that is all