Too much anticipation leads...

to a major letdown.

I am still in a bit of shock by my experience yesterday.

I decided earlier in the week that I would take a little trip to the Harvard Art Museum for a variety of reasons:

1. I have never visited Harvard or Harvard Square.
2. I love art
3. I love museums
4. I needed something to do
5. I would like to know the city a bit more..since I need to be a big girl.

So for all these reasons, I took the trek. It was easy. One straight T ride, filled with very strange characters. For example, a 5 or 6 year old Asian child on a leash ( this child was clearly mentally handicapped in some fashion). I was so sad. His dad kept saying he was very smart but hyper. Umm..no sir...your child shouldn't burst through a group of people to run away whilst on a leash and you unable to hold him because of his strength. This poor child also didn't speak. It just made me so sad. It scared me because I wasn't paying attention and all of a sudden people just started moving and I heard a whimper/scream. I was like GAH! :( Very sad for that poor little one.

Also, a man was commenting on a young guys chucks. It was such an odd conversation: Oh, I like your chucks. I have a collection of all the colors. ::young man:: Oh really?

Alas, I arrived at Harvard Square. I followed the well crafted directions the website gave me and walked through Harvard Yard. At some point, I decided I may never find this place, these flowery directions are down right convoluted (that should have clued me in). I walked and walked and finally came out the other side. Mind you, all through Harvard Yard there are buildings with no clear signs. So I really had no idea what I was looking at. I assumed..dorms and then a few large buildings..theater, church and something else.

Anywho, I came out an exit and looked left and alas..THERE IT WAS! The anticipation swelled within my warm and meandering frame! I was going to visit a HARVARD MUSEUM! oh my!!!

Upon my entrance, I noticed the grand hall was not filled with art. It was filled with banners advertising ReViews, special events for the Museum. Okay that's fine. I paid my student fee and was asked to coat check my bag because it was too large... umm..okay...it was not that big.

The nice Waspy old lady gave me a floor plan and I was off. The pamphlet, elegantly designed, only listed three floors: 1,2 and 4. I thought well maybe three is on the other side.

I did not want to start on floor one so I skipped up the steps to the second floor. It was Asian Art. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Umm...it also was A SINGLE GRAND ROOM!! 1 ROOM!!! COUNT THAT: 1!!! I thought, there has to be more. Nope!

Now, I have been to the MFA and the RISD Museum (I always thought RISD was small..nope) their Asian art collections are substantial. Understandable,right? Art school and strictly world renown art museum. But here is my gripe, both of the aforementioned museums do not spout masterful rhetoric about themselves on their websites. Yes, the sites talk about the collection in a bit of a haughty upscale fashion but it is well warranted. They have the goods (literally) to back up the talk.

Now, I thought well, floor 4 (or the missing floor 3) will have something better of offer. Yes, I have to say it did but..whoever set up the gallery was drunk. They were mixing art styles. I understand you are showing Art until the 1900s but displaying a Wamponoag Hunting Staff mixed with the portraits of St. Peter and the Virgin Mary and Child kind ruins the feng shui of it all. The juxtapositioning is lost on us. I just stood, perplexed and said..wtf is that thing doing here with the portraits.

I then came to the various Picasso's. Props to Harvard for snagging all of them. They were very lovely. I also didn't know you could take photos. Some older French Lesbians were taking pictures of all the Picasso's. Too bad my camera was in the coat check!

Now this is where I saw the major disjoint in the collection (if I didn't notice it already). I found nothing more than small sculptures and paintings. Now, yes these items make up a great deal of art but art is way more than that. Its furniture, its clothing, its tools, etc. I did not see much of that..only in the Asian art exhibit.

Defeated, I took the elevator downstairs to Art from 1900. Another major fail. The large Pollack and the small yet exquisite Georgia O'Keefe delighted my starving soul but it wasn't enough. The one grand room needed much improvement. I know they are renovating another part of the museum or the original museum itself but..make an apology for it. But they said.everything was shown together..

I don't know...Harvard...you let me down. You are Harvard for god's sake. People like me do not belong there.

My visit did not last long and I spent the rest of my time strolling through Harvard Square, entering bookshops, getting a cup of tea and just looking at the architecture and smiling. Harvard looks much like Brown (duh) but larger. Sad to say but I find Brown more beautiful, I think it has to do with Brown being very close to heart.

My day was joyful and I'd go again in a heartbeat. I will take another trip to go to visit the Natural History Museum soon.

Oh and I did see a very cute Harvard COOP employee...he was adorable and was flustered when he rang up my book. hehe I could barely hear him and he kept stumbling on his words. hehe

Another thing that pierced my brain with annoyance was the name of said bookstore..COOP. They pronounce it just like it sounds.. COOP.. (rhymes with poop). Ugh...tawdry and rolls off the tongue with flatly. I thought it was CO-OP (due to its appearance on the sign), which sounds better and doesn't rhyme with poop.

Oh well, they are Harvard they can do whatever they want, like aggrandize a shoddy art collection to the level or ART MUSEUM!!


WOW..I just attempted to rip Harvard a new one. My apologies Harvard. You just duped me with your words and dammit I am better than that.

So.

I decided not to do anything. He can contact me. I've been the one to initiate everything. It's time for a little give and take. If he never contacts me, then I know. I suspect he won't. alas, maybe in a few weeks, I'll send him a nice friendly note. But, for now, I will be silent.

he's missing out..i'm fun, nice, sweet and spunk..oh and I like puppies..yeah....

So i guess i fucked up

hmph..as usual. I screw it up. Sad.

I thought this one would be different. oh well. I haven't heard from him since well..i sent my note on saturday. good times.

I am mad at myself..another one down the tubes. I guess i can't be myself. oh well...

To make myself feel better, I am going to go to a museum on Saturday. Yes, alone..I will just think and look and ponder. I am going to the Harvard Museums. I have never been to harvard and I keep thinking..well no one is going to take you..go yourself.

oh well.....

Doin' My Thang..

I have decided to do my thing. Today, I was sad all day. I am sick of being sad. I think I need to let it be for my own mental health. If he wants to contact me..he can. I need to just calm the fuck down. I do this every time and I don't know why.

So, I am going to go to Harvard Museums. dammit

Hair...

To take my mind off my own worst enemy (myself), I have been doing my hair. I have been curling my hair every time I go out and I feel better. I almost feel like my old self.

I have been rummaging through old photos of myself and I got a wee bit sad. Two years ago, I was trim, seemingly happy and had fun each and every week. I cannot dwell in the past and I cannot analyze things I have done only out of shear kindness and a good heart.

ah well...someone will want what I have to offer. I can only hope. I am talking like I may never see this human again..I may never but I also may. I hope I do..dangit..I would do a few things differently.


Another interesting tidbit...so...I saw the first person I ever talked to on okcupid today. I was driving in Providence and he was walking down the street with a lady. I was like..holy crap..thats that kid...he was a bit of a loser and a druggie. love it...so i saw him..giggled and cest la vie. :)

grumps

So..I sound very grumpy. I am not. I am just upset with myself. Oh well..I can only hope it works out for the positive and I will learn from this. Dammit..why is he so smart and nice and cute and why do I always fall for it?? ugh! maybe i've charmed him.. hehehe ...i hope.

Oh..I will blog later about Jon and Kate plus 8. I've been watching this mess since the beginning...I have a lot to say...

Hmmm...

So, he responded. I do not know if that is good or bad. He responded to everything I had to say, even my very precocious attempt to hang out with him again. He said we should see whats up for next week (meaning tomorrow through next Sunday.. hehe) I guess that is good. I do not know. He could be putting me off. I just keep second guessing myself. I am also impatient and overzealous.

I am taking advice from several people and I have said that I feel as if i cannot be myself. I feel as if I cannot send a nice, excited note because it makes me to "available" and that doesn't attract men. Umm..hi,that's how I am. I can't really change it. I send notes. I say how I feel. I hate it. I don't play games. I think it's stupid. I can't play games, we are adults..why should we?

Then..I have been told to read, He's Just Not That Into You..I suspect this dude isn't that into me and all the dudes I have ever dated weren't. If I cracked opened that book, I know my whole crappy dating career would be a lie. So I don't read it. I am sorry. I know I couldn't take it.

I think my over analysis of everything..is really hurting me. I can't help it.:(

I see these insta-couples (people who meet and instantly turn into a couple) and it confuses me. I have NEVER had that...EVER!

This whole relationship crap bears heavily on my mind because I seem to conquer most of the things I want out of life...ie...school, job..etc. with a lot of hard work and I have put so much thought, effort, time, emotion into this dating thing and I have failed...FAILED!! I have stepped outside of all my comfort zones. I have tried hard..maybe a little to hard because I want it so much....or just a nice chance at it. I would like to enjoy things so many other people have had the chance to enjoy and I haven't even had a taste of getting to know someone you really like.

It makes me want to give up...it really does. Maybe it is the one thing in life I won't be able to have.

poops...


In other news, I watched the Jane Austen Book Club today...I am in love! It just struck me as a really interesting and cute movie. I loved how they talked about the books in an intelligent manor and dissected the characters. It made me happy. It had dogs, a cute dude and a books in it. What isn't to love??

Oh Jane...