Dear London Olympics 2012,

Let's talk....

Your Opening Ceremonies with Lord Voldermort, Paul McCartney, a giant baby and Kenneth Branagh and Mr. Bean with a fart joke...pretty priceless...kinda weird but pretty solid.

My gymnastics team rocked it out and the fact that most men's sports don't require much clothes; I ain't mad at that.  Bradley Wiggins winning the time trial and pretty much hearing the national anthem play. I like those things a lot.

But here's what I don't like.

1. Creating Divinities with our athletes. Please stop. They are humans. They aren't perfect and guess what, they cry and they mess up, the even take giant bong hits. I am looking at you Phelpsie.

2. Watching athletes from countries where their government sponsor's training..essentially taking a child at a young age from their family and putting them up in a training facility to train and train and train. For example, this lady. Yes, she won but what happens to the others that do not win. Who bring "shame" to their country for being human. That breaks my heart. They have nothing most of them...Olympics you bring great joy and destroy dreams, all at the same time.

3. The media ragging on young athletes and applying more pressure and drama than needed. I mean really, Jordyn Weiber didn't make the all-around. We get it..she had some shoddy deductions and her jumps...were not solid on beam. She had a bad night. No need to make front page news and make it all about her during the team final...that got old real quick.

4. Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest. You do not know sports and you talk to the Olympic Gymnastics Team about Justin Beiber. Shut the front door.  Just stop.

GO USA!

Smooches,

Nicole

 

Dear Friends,

Thank you. Just thank you..

Thank you for listening. Thank you for talking. Thank you for existing. I really appreciate you; all of you.

It really makes a gal happy when you go through junk in line and you can lean on a few people here and there.
I need to remember you all when I am feeling pretty darn crappy...

I love you all.....

xxxo

Nicole

Dear Universe,

Dear Universe,

I strongly believe in signs. You give them out to humans.  And, I feel you've been doing that a lot lately with me. But, I do not know what they mean. Are they good? They seem good but I do not know. Give a gal a break here?

Oye....I could use some peace in my mind, heart and soul...

And..another thing..Imma thank you for a second for bringing me the Le Tour de France and the Olympics in one summer. You are kind.

xxxo
Nicole

Dear Self,

Self, you were supposed to write because it's therapeutic. But, what did you do instead? You bottle it up and thought, and thought and thought. You internalized. Good job.

So, you write now and it's not therapeutic. It just fosters more thought.

Oh boy. You need to make it through the next 6 days and hopefully you will be okay.

xxxo
Nicole

Dear Hollywood,

Dear Hollywood,

I think I have a sappy movie you'd be interested in. It's called my life. You couldn't write my life...seriously. While having the most awkward, personal and heart wrenching conversation of my life one does not expect hecklers or a 3-legged dog. Yep...that's my life. Also...ball jokes were involved to cut the tension.

Is this normal?? Not so much.

xxxo
nicole

Dear Everyone,

Dear Everyone,

Anyone who is close to me knows that I haven't written in a long time. I'd all but "given" up on it.  Over the last year or so, things have to put it bluntly..gone down hill. I've survived emotionally but just barely.

I am trying to write to feel better and I can only hope it works. 


My mother is well again but now my uncle and godfather are now ill.

My heart's been toyed with for almost 2 years and I am somewhat to blame for the situation and now it seems it's coming to a big culmination. I know I am not emotionally prepared for what is going to happen. I know I will be very sad for a long time. I need to move on and it will be hard. Since well, I do not have very many people to lean on.

I keep telling myself, I don't know how I am going to do this. And, I really don't. I know, well at least, I can hope that in a few months I will feel better. I will have moved on and not wallowed in this pit of despair of self doubt and hatred. I've never had to do this before. This is real and I don't like it. I need to remember that I deserve better and that something better will come.

I can say that I am not sorry it happened. I did learn somethings and I will "miss" this person. I know what I want and need and yeah...we shall see.

I do know that I do not want to feel like this anymore.

I will get through this but damn, it's going to suck.

XXXO
nicole

Dear MTV,

Dear MTV,

Wow, watching Teen Mom makes me feel that my new personal low of eating Chef Boyardee Mini Dino's and meatballs with Cape Cod chips for dinner is acceptable and not that bad.

Thanks.

Nicole

If only I could write a dress code...

I often think about what it would be like if I ran my own company or even assisted in running a company. I could make rules and regulations, high powered decisions, etc. Fun, right??

But, I mostly think about how great it would be to create a dress code. Every fashion love, hatred, and whim could be set in stone and people would have to obey them because well..it's the dress code!

So here it is, my dress code wish list:

1. Open-toed shoes permitted unless you wear a toe ring. But let's be honest, if you are the type of person who wears a toe ring you wouldn't have been hired here.
2. If wearing open-toed shoes, toes must not be gnarly. 
3. Males: No open-toed shoes... just no.
4. If you step on the premises wearing sweatpants, you're fired.
5. If you wear ill-fitting pants: Go home and change and on the way there stop at a tailor. (ill-fitting= too long, too short (no man-capri's) too baggy, too tight, etc)
6. Skirts must not come higher than ones fingertips when standing tall like a soldier, not saluting. 
7. On casual Friday's, if you wear sports paraphernalia,  you're fired. Unless it's a hat, then that is somewhat acceptable. 
8. Wrinkled clothes are not permitted. Employees must look professional at all times. Wrinkles=unprofessional. (Wrinkled=looks like you just took it out of the dryer or off the floor and it got into some sort of fabric fight.)
9. If you have some sort of horrible tattoo, cover it up. For example, if in 1997 you thought getting a tribal tattoo that goes the length of your arm was a good idea, then you will wear long sleeves for your tenure at this company.
10. Finally, wear a smile at least thrice throughout the day. Frowns are unsightly. 

If only it was legal to make this a legitimate dress code. Don't even get me started on the addendum for Casual Friday.  

More letters/emails...

Dear iTunes,

What the hell did I purchase that would make you "think" that you should recommend the Tila Tequila album? You should NEVER recommend that album...NEVER.

xxoo

Nicole

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Dear City of Newton,

Why did you not inform me or the neighborhood that there was a road race today?  I would have liked advanced notice to the number of shirtless humans running by my window. Give a gal a heads up!!

Thanks!!

xxxo

Nicole

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Dear Apple Computers,

I dropped my iPhone on Friday on pavement..screen down. The screen DID NOT shatter. I just thought you should know that my phone is an exception to the rule. Thanks. 

xxxo

Nicole

New Focus: Emails I should or need to write

So, I want to try to update this blog weekly with funny or poignant emails that I should have written throughout the week. For example, an email to the parking company that gave me a ticket or an email to a friend to tell them how I really feel about their actions because talking to them will only cause more drama and I know they don't read this blog..no one does..I looked at the stats.  We shall see how it goes because this blog is schizophrenic. It needs some direction.

Okay here we go!

Dear so and so,

I saw something that reminded me of you and I chuckled. Too bad you turned into such a cunt.

xxxo

Nicole


Yikes, that one was a bit harsh. I promise they won't all be this way. Mostly, they are meant to be funny. I am sure I need some of these emails written to me.

I respect this chick...

So, the internet and gossip shows are  buzzing over this gal, Lolo Jones. She's 29, a 2-time Olympian (or soon-to-be) and holy crap on a cracker: a virgin. Oh the horror!! Oh, and she's single...double horror.

I have mixed feelings over her announcing she's a virgin right before the Olympics and via the internet and gossip mags. It's a great PR move since being religious and pious is the thing these days. Ahem...Tebow, anyone? But, what I find very interesting about her is that she is so vocal about her choices. She's not ashamed about her status. I like that. I find it a bit refreshing for a female to be so honest with herself and everyone else.

Sadly, she is considered abnormal by society but I do not. I find nothing wrong with her. She's made the choices she believes in and feels comfortable with. I respect her. I also empathize with her. It's hard to stand by beliefs and choices or even defend them. Even explaining situations is hard. She went at the issue head-on. Good on her!

What I find sad is that society, the media, etc make her sexual choices an issue. Who cares if she wants to wait until marriage, to find the right guy, or do it when she's ready??? I don't. Why should society? I am not in her relationship or her life. If she slept with a plethora of men and advertised it like she does her virginity, it would be an issue as well. Again..unless she's spreading STD's to the hunky peniled masses, then it's an issue but if she isn't...I couldn't care less.

Let her be. Being a female, albeit a single one, is hard enough. I should know.

Although....we all know she will and is having trouble getting dates and I think a little more so now, since it's really out there. That hurts. I am not sure I have enough faith in humanity to let this be easy for her. I wish it was.

Needless to say, she's a strong female and good role model (I hope she is..I mean if she's a crazy Christian that hates all things non-white..I will be sad and will eat my words.). Anyway, let's not focus on the virgin status of this Olympian focus on her winning hurdles this summer.

Maybe I can focus on my own status or let's be honest...I'll be focusing on the Olympics and running around...and pretending I am an athlete. Gotta remember..my faith in humanity ain't that great.

My lost art...

So, I rarely write anymore. It's almost as if I've forgotten how. I am also not really sure what my feelings are on this loss of a favorite pastime. I am not really sure what my feelings are about most things as of late.

Writing was supposed to be my livelihood. In some ways, it does come into play in my job. I write manuals. I write emails. I compose a killer tweet or a Facebook update. So, okay, fine I write. But, I do not write for "fun". 

I rarely exude passion about filling up a screen with well-crafted, handpicked, gorgeous, sensuous words, sentences and paragraphs. Small glimmers of excitement often leak out of me when someone persuades me into writing a short story or a couple of silly sentences...for amusement in an email. The words ooze slowly at first from my nimble fingers and then they pour on to the screen, quenching the longing thirst in my dehydrated brain.

I miss it. I miss the community of writing at times. I miss creating things that I find beautiful, silly or sad.  I miss the whole process of choosing the right word and formulating flowing sentences.

I miss a lot of things. I miss myself writing. At times I just miss myself or the person I was when I was writing so much or when I was around fellow writers or "creatives".

Have I lost that spark out of myself completely? I am not really sure and there is no one to tell me otherwise.


In other news....I saw a Salvador Dali painting this weekend..up close.  Art Viewing Win! I viewed it on accident, really. I didn't know of the special exhibit at RISD and I walked into it and much to my surprise, I got to see some gorgeous stuff and a few glorious installations.

So essentially I got to see Dali, Van Gogh, Warhol, Monet, Manet, Picasso, Cezanne, O'Keefe, Matisse, and the list goes on in this one tiny museum in my favorite city, in the smallest state.

See that passion still lies beneath.....I am not sure how to recover it.