My Attempt at a VLOG

So, I figured I'd try this. Yikes...

Let me know what you think!!!

Something rash

I've always wanted to travel. I want to explore things. See the sights everyone talks about that I've never seen. I want to experience life unlike my own.

As I go to interviews and apply for jobs, I do not and cannot see myself working at these places. I appreciate and cherish the experiences but I know they are not for me. I love what I do now and I want to continue doing it. I know there is a job out there that will allow me to edit, revise, write content solely for the web. Right now, I am not finding it. But in the meantime, I need do something else. I need to explore and I really think I need an adventure.

I know I am going to miss teaching dearly. I will miss my students. I will miss helping them and seeing them grow as writers. I will never forget the feeling I felt when I realized that a student actually listened to what I said during a lecture and used what we did in an exercise in her paper. I was so happy! But, I wasn't happy for me, I was happy for her. Her paper was beautiful. That is something you cannot replicate. It makes me smile.

But, as I slowly resolve into a new decision about my life, I look ahead. I want to continue to write no matter what but do I want to continue to teach? I am not sure. I love it. It's so much fun. I think I need to be away from it for a bit to figure out if that is something I really want to do with my life. After everything that has happened with teaching, I still find it exhilarating and I think that says something.

Anyway, back to this adventure. I think I need to do something unexpected. I've had these thoughts with me for a while and I've talked about them before. I think I need to travel by myself to the places I've dreamed out. I need to visit France, England, Rome, etc. But, I need to do it alone. This isn't going to be some soul searching jaunt around Europe. It's going to be a much needed vacation and intellectual experience. I can expand my mind, read, see beautiful things.

Thinking about this opportunity makes me happy. I want it to happen. I think it may clear my head and allow me to realize what I really want to do with my life. Do I want to continue teaching and my education or do I want to enter the workforce once again?

Today in Rape Culture: Dancing at the Club

Okay, so I am "borrowing" part of this title from a few feminist blogs but I just need to share this.

I do not go out often but every time I do I am astounded. What ever happened to asking a girl dance? No? All I see or experience is the random firm on the hip and a penis being jostled into my ass or back. Umm...I DON'T KNOW YOU NOR DO I WANT YOUR GENITALIA NEAR OR ON ME! Thank you. Who or what gave you that right?

I really do not think men understand how creepy and alarming it is when they do that. How would you like it if a random person..you cannot see came up behind you, grabbed you, and started rubbing their junk all up on you? Fun? I didn't think so.

There are boundaries that are consistently crossed and I hate it. If I say not I do not want to dance with you, it means no. Do not sit on me (this happened to my friend) or continue to dance and grind on me. Stop! Respect my decision.

Also when I see a woman pretty much dry humping and dry fucking a dude up against a wall and other people are pictures of it that are pretty much being directly uploaded to the web, it disgusts me. People you've just violated that woman in more ways that one. Yes, it was her choice to get VERY inappropriate with this man but, she didn't agree to have it documented.

I had a dude ask me to dance last evening..by his crunk friend but I declined because of I early saw him partake in the picture taking and dry fucking of another lady. Yep, sorry...ya gross. Be a gentleman and maybe I will dance with you and if I dance crazy...you deal don't rub ya hungry junk on me.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Get some..

That is all. :)

Times are a changing...

Well, I hate to do this but I am going to complain. I need to get a few things off my chest. Well, a lot of things.

So, a few months ago I thought it would be a fun idea to have a graduation party but now I am rethinking the whole deal. I will still have it but..honestly, I really don't want to do it. Why? Well, I have few people to invite outside of grad school friends. I am close to very few people who knew me prior to grad school. Does that make me sad? Yes, a little bit.

As I transition into life after grad school, I will no longer be able to identify myself as the grad school Nicole. I will slowly return to the pre and post grad school Nicole. I'd like to have people in my life who knew me before but at this point, I really do not see that happening. We all grow and see our priorities change, others do not or grow in a different direction.

I know I have some very good friends who know me now and one who knew me then. But, the others, I am a bit sad about. Maybe, we don't want to know each other now or maybe they just want to know themselves.

I am stepping out into this world alone, like I have been this entire year. It's been very hard and not a hell of a lot of fun. I have few people to turn to, hopefully, they will be there if I need them.