what is wrong...

i am in a funk. I don't know what's wrong. I didn't even really enjoy shopping today. I didn't want to try anything on. I didn't want to even look at my size.

I am just sad. I think I am disappointed in myself. I hate being this weak girl who cries and is emotional but I cannot help it. I want it all but am only succeeding partially, in school.

I see so many life failures and I do not like to fail. I just want to to give up. I am sick of failures. I have no personal life. I work all the time and when I do go out I worry that I am doing school work.

meh...i am sick of complaining. I am trying to change and then I get nothing..

I try to be a good nice person because I know that is the right thing to do....I thought good people were supposed to be rewarded. I should not complain, whatsoever..my life could be a lot worse. I am thankful for the good things.

hopefully, this will blow over.

posting whilst sleepy

welcome spring break...

i sound like a schizo!

I have emotastic ramblings and then I have happy cheery ones or a mix of the two.

oh dear.
Moving on....

i captured a bit of my old self the other day. Its still here. I need to grab more of it. I need not to feel helpless. I need to feel happy and strong and independent. I do not want to miss being happy...i want to feel something more than longing and wanting. I want to share. I am sick of this overarching theme. This chapter needs to end. I want to make is passive. I want to say it has been done.

I want active. I want a voice. Dammit..i want to be.

you are invited to the pity party...

I have been at the pity party for a few days now.

I need to leave. I need to stop wondering about the what might have beens and what will be and just try to be content but I somehow cannot.

oh well..i hope this feeling lifts...

curling up and crying about things of the past do not let you move forward... it just makes it all a lot worse.

hoo humm....

i need something to make me not forget but move....think of other things... i just don't know what that is yet.

I am the girl..

who is forgotten about.

not exciting enough to keep interest

mild amusements at the time

smart enough

but lacks something

too sweet


oh well

in other news..its almost spring break..thank god. :)

museums. free time :)

Sometimes...

I just do not understand life or human nature for that matter.

In an attempt to make my life a bit more peaceful and healthy, I have stopped communicating with a number of people. I have not reached out to them, etc. Yet, they keep coming back. I guess they do not take the hint.

It's funny, there are some people that I want in my life that are not. I keep in contact with them..but sometimes I feel its for not. I do not know what I am looking for, but I know it is not what I am trying to get away from. I am holding on to bonds that might not be tight.


oh well..maybe something will out of the sky and fall into my lap.

Urban Vibezzzzz--the review

Ever try to concentrate on something because you know you will need to use that information at a later date but just could not for some reason or another??

Yes? okay, good. Because, this is how I felt when I was testing out urban vibezz. It was just too much. There was too much going on.

First of all, I mentioned it lit up..well they were not kidding. The lights coordinate with the vibrating patterns. All i could think of was were the computer programs that Dj's use with the levels of base and tempo. Let me tell you, that wasn't a bad thing..it did help (meow..to cute dj's) ;) but..it was so funny and distracting!!! The lights and their little pretty coordinating display was pretty to look at but..goodness...too much stimulation.

Which, brings me to my next point, Urban vibezz gives its user like 5 settings and each brings its user a new delight or extreme. One just vibrates and you can increase its speed..to almost infinitum. It is a bit too much. Stuff does not need to be burned off ya know?? This is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. Then..the other 4 settings alternate in between pulsation or a scale pattern. Now, you are probably wondering..scale pattern...yes.. a scale patter. It vibrates going upwards..as do ri me fa so...ya get it? its odd and makes you laugh soo you lose the moment.

If you like a lot of stimulation...in a range of ways. This is the extracurricular for you.. if not...get it anyway..its cheap and its funny.

Also...its detachable. you can easily wash and disinfect it. I did.. i soaped it up and dried it off prior too. you gotta be clean. hehehe

also if you date a dj or a wannabe...you can keep his attention. hehe

urban vibezzzzz

so shopping for extracurriculars that are effective is a task and a half. I haven't succeeded in purchasing one that feels good and does the deed in quite some time. Finding one does not seep into my thoughts but, when the mood and thought strikes and I am in the right vicinity of a store..i go.

This evening, i did such that.I feel that goign to buy this tool should be nothing to be embarrassed about and going with a friend makes it just hillarious.

This evening, the sales dude told us that there was a sale...buy 1 yellow dotted item get 2 more yellow dotted ones for free! . I love a good sale!! I made out like bandit!!!!!

I purchased one that was boombox inspired. Let me explain..it has an LCD screen with graphics that look like a stereo's. its hillarious...and has many settings. the joys. ha! it is called: urban vibezzz..nuff said.

anyway...i got 2 other little numbers for free!!!!! weeeeee!!! Nothing special....but damn i got a good deal!!!

There has been no testing but when it happens I will write a full report.

i love a good sale.