Creatively Stiffled

I work in a job that does not allow me to use my creativity on a daily basis. I often partake in mindless tasks such as creating databases, meta data and alt tags. My mind often goes dead.

So, I am in a funk. I cannot think of subjects that I want to write about anymore. I haven't written for myself in a long time and I think I used to be pretty good at it. Now, I am mediocre at best.

So I sit her and babble...babble about nothing. I could talk about ballet and how much I enjoy it but that will wane thin after awhile.

How can foster my creativity and let it evolve?? Do I write everyday? Do I take more notice into how people act? Do I tweet and then write about it? Do I go on adventures? Do I take a fiction approach to this? What the crap do I do?

I need help. 

I have been mulling over the idea of adding to my memoir. I may refocus it  but again...I am unsure.

Oh boy....

People say write what you know but I don't know what I know anymore. Do I know fashion?  Sorta. Do I know food? Again..sorta. Do I know people? Hardly. I do know pop culture but again that wanes.

So I guess..this blog will be as unfocused as my life. I will attempt to write but I have the writer's block. 

I need to unblock myself and possibly let myself be as open as I used to be. I used to share almost anything here. I sounded a bit loony, I must say but I think opening myself up will take a bit more work.

For now, I am stuck.

Ling-er-eeeee!

It's Saturday evening...not late by Saturday night standards but late by my standards and I want to talk about lingerie.

I decided a little while ago that I'd write about themes and probably mingle in my person life and views. So, today's theme: Lingerie.

Today, I had the great pleasure of making a purchase at a store that I've dreamed about making a purchase at: Agent Provocateur

This company produces more risque attire for ladies but...the quality and the beauty of their pieces exceeds expectations. I've always admired their mix of kink, vintage and fashion pieces and the creative way they produce their lines. They name each line after a woman and give it a personality, a life and a meme, per say.Sometimes they go as far as making little short films/ads. The films are sexy and often very cute noirs..not my favorite but...it'll do for a film about a gorgeous piece of silk that I want to adorn my body.

Today I did not purchase actual lingerie but rather old-fashioned pantyhose...they even have the seam in the back. To be more specific, they are thigh-highs called "stay-ups". I will review their stay up quality when I finally wear them to work and I don't have to run to the ladies room because the stocking is rolling down my leg. Classy..I assume this will happen. That's my life.

Getting back to the title of this blog, let's continue to talk lingerie. I am not talking about underwear here...you know the cotton crap that you get at Target or Victoria's secret that puts little dancing snow flakes all over your precious gem. I am talking about garments that drip sex, ooze sensuality,  and caress skin in the most delicate of ways. I will admit I love lingerie. I am not afraid to say it. I never wear it. I am very picky about brand, type and color of lingerie that graces my pale skin, but I love it. When the rare occasion arises, I will don my favorite pieces..usually black with a mix of pink and become quite content.

The right undergarment actually contains power. It transform your already lovely body into a vehicle of femininity and quite possibly strength. I am just speaking from my own experiences but I always feel good about myself if I am wearing something sassy underneath my already sassy attire. I don't think I harness sexual power but more like my own power and strength. I feel more like a woman in control of her own destiny.

Yes, this may be just over the top and slightly crazy and possibly the situations warranted the strength
but I am not so sure. I think the lingerie helped. It made me see me. My womanliness..my existence beyond thoughts and words...my physical self.

Lingerie or something akin to lingerie needs to exist in every woman's closet. If lingerie does not help you feel like a better about you, then find something that does. Notice how I never said the word..make you feel sexy. No...it's really not about exuding sex when you are wearing it..it's about exuding you. The garments may exude sex when you look at them but they change form once you put them on. They are just mere capsules for your life and whatever you want it to be. If you want sex..they will give you sex...if you want confidence..you will get confidence..etc.

I know what you are thinking. Small pieces of fabric delicately sewn together in a sweatshop are just that pieces of fabric.

Fine...but think of this. You have favorite garments for a reason. They wouldn't be your favorite if you didn't feel good wearing them, right? So how do you feel when you wear your favorite pair of jeasn, shoes, shirt, etc? Huh? Feel good..feel confident. Same thing with lingerie..it just shows more skin and society does not accept wearing it out in public during the day and not on street corners.

So ladies...find some lingerie that suits you.  Wear it on occasion. See how you feel. See if you cannot execute that feeling on a daily basis. Then see how your mood changes to something better...lighter..more pleased with yourself.

A look back...

I took a stroll down memory lane yesterday. I read through..okay..fine..I skimmed through some of old blogs. Hot damn...I was/am crazy. Jeez....

I am going to chalk up the emotional rants to stress and grad school. Forgive me please, seriously. 

None of that will appear here anymore. I am almost embarrassed that I wrote those blogs. Ooops...

Anyway, I would like to set a whole new tone for this blog..I am not sure what it is yet..but it's going to be far better than what it was before.

Onwards and upwards...

And..I'm back...

So, I think I shall give this another go. I am not going to use this blog as vessel to whine about my life and work and how awful it is or isn't. I am not sure what this blog will be at this point since I am on a test run. I might pick topics each week to write about and go from there. 

 The reason I am starting up again is sort of mixed. I've been told by two different people that I should start writing again because well..I don't write anymore. I barely write in my job and when I do..it's far from creative. I recently found some creative pieces from grad school and I realized I had so much fun writing them....so...we shall see where this goes. 

Will I open up again on here?? I am not sure. Will I write about my amusing adventures? Who knows. Although, I have been witness a lot of people brushing their teeth in public restrooms lately..sorta odd but anyway.. we (this blog and I) are a work in progress. We will navigate this little journey together and probably talk about puppies, make-up, boys, and fashion along the way.

The end.

As you can see from the post dates, I lapsed in posting but with good reason. I've given up on writing. I sort of write for my job but I have committed to stop writing digitally in my personal life. But, I am writing right now. Well, it's a bit of a sign off.

Why am putting my writing to a halt?

Well, I write mostly about myself and I am sick of reading about others and their lives and since I like to practice what I preach, I am going to stop. This goes for blogging, needless facebook updates and twitter. I will still post stupid videos and retweet but I won't be updating the masses about my personal life.

I've realized that social media has made me so passive and uncaring. I really don't care about others and their activities...it's sad but true. I don't care if you have a headache or where you are going Friday or you exact location at that very minute. I am not your stalker. I also don't care if you need to write an 8 paragraph blog about how badly your life sucks (something I've been known to do and it's pathetic). So if I don't care, I am sure there are many others who do not care about my activities and with good reason. They aren't that exciting and if you do you care which you shouldn't, you could always ask me via a more personal means.

Participation in social media is an act in self indulgence and I don't want to do it anymore. I'd rather not indulge in myself.

I am also not sure why I wrote this since I know no one will read it. I guess it was to vocalize it. So there, I said it...

The end.....for now.

Maybe I write creatively in the future but I won't be posting it.

Rant Fest 2010

I've been trying to keep my blog clean of rants or whiny crap for the past couple months because it does not really solve anything. In the end, I end up looking like a whiny, unhappy person but there have been a bunch of things lately that have been irking the HELL out of me.

The following rant discusses the my biggest annoyance.

Dudes you make no sense. I've had similar experiences with quite a few men over the past few years and what I will describe in the next few lines drives me batty.

So as I have discussed in the past, I've done some online dating..whatever..I am shy. Get over it.

Anywho...this experience seems to happen to me A LOT.

1. Guy messages me. I message back with a witty reply.

2. Instant requests by boy to add on facebook, twitter and Aim and the like.....

3. We chat more.

4. We meet.

5. Dude goes MIA.....(ie...deletes me off of facebook, blocks me on AIM, etc...this is just after the first date or meeting)

6. I get sad and try to contact but my new thing is I don't contact because I actually know this is going to happen because men are so predictable.

I have deducted that I am horrible to meet in person....or I say a few wrong things.

I think when I first started dating (which was eons later than normal people...I was pretty much terrified and finally pushed myself to actually meet people)...I was okay to meet but now I've fallen apart.

Yes, I agree I am a hot mess but I know bigger messes that can land a solid dude.

But really, guys...you are strange.

Honestly...I think I am more irked at the whole going "virtually" MIA thing. They are the ones who went all sorts of adding crazy. My response: REALLY?? YA DUMB?

Okay...I will stop ranting..I know this sounds terrible but it is just annoying.

A lot of things are annoying me as of late, I think it is because I have more time to think about them.

So I graduated..hence the time and here is what I am doing:

I am still applying for jobs like crazy.

I bought a bike. I like it very much.

Thinking more about getting a kitten.

Sleeping soundly.

May 7, 2010

May 7th used to make me feel bittersweet. It was a day that I remember being so happy, so struck, so bowled over. I used to wish a day like that would happen again. I wanted that feeling again.

Today, I remembered those feelings as I was driving to school. I felt a twinge. I moved on with my day, my drive and tried not to dwell.

I did what I do everyday; work. But, a little piece of paper place in my hands stopped my everyday routine. My thesis approval form changed my life. May 7th no longer makes me want something I never had. It makes me so happy.

So May 7th..I love you..for all you've given me.